People in love make me want to vomit
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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