I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
So much rum. So many feels.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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