i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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