They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
