loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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