Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
