We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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