I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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