I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
