Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
