Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I want to have your abortion
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You took a bar mat shot.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
