she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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