my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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