i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
