I can't watch pbs sober anymore
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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