No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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