I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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