Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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