If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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