I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
