She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
