I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
