guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
