I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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