If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
