And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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