So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
