Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
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Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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