youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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