my mouth tastes like poor choices
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I smell like Dick and happiness
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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