i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
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As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
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Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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