What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
