My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
