Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize