i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
