There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
