they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
