Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
