I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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