He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I am naked and annoyed.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
