the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
It's never too late to be topless.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
