I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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