im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
