Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
We talked him into tasing himself.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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