I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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