My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
you never un-have a 4some
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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