Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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