y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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