I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
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Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
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I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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