but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
