no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
