He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Mom said you looked used
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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