he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
