toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Man, jail baloney is awful.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
