So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Randomize
