I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
