honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
