i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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