did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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