2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
