like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
