Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
