If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
