Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
