The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
