she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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