this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I supernannyed him into submission
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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