Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
