hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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