There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
