I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
