please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
