I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
