I'm drive I can fine osifer
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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