So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
